Twitter is a constant source of entertainment and frustration in the modern world. But however much you may hate getting dragged into political arguments or jumping on the latest outrage-train, the social media platform does still do a lot to bring people together.
Filled with everything from conspiracy theorists to celebrity dogs, whoever you are and whatever your opinion may be, you are bound to find some like-minded users on Twitter. One of the most prominent user groups on the site are the elusive and mysterious unicorns known as "funny nerds".
As such there is a wealth of fantastic science jokes and geek references to be found within the apps infinite depths... But ask yourself this: Which ones are the best?
Well, wonder no more because after an exhaustive search of the entire twitter-verse, we can definitively say that these are - in no particular order - the funniest tweets about science, EVER. So lab coats and goggles on kids, let's get to it!
1. Astronauts and their egos...
"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-"— Adam of Earth (@AdamOfEarth) September 28, 2013
"I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"
I mean, he does have a point, Janet.
2. We're all star dust!
They're shifty too! Like, come on just pick one electron: particle or wave?!?
3. Oh no, Stephen! You and your paradoxes.
It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 14, 2018
Seriously though, this is a gangser move, and I totally believe Dr. Hawking would do it. We miss you beloved all-around genius!
4. No science list can exist without NDT!
In life, pure coincidences are statistically common, so a remarkable day is one where no coincidences occur at all.— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) September 28, 2018
Oh, Neil! Is it possible to roll your eyes and have your mind get blown at the same time?
5. Facing your fears:
Clever woman. She realised you can't fall without gravity.— Lee Stuart (@337soft) October 1, 2018
Technically she would always be falling, but the joke is still good.
6. Misleading title
Dear @ladygaga,— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) September 30, 2018
That is not how stars are born.
I expected this kind of trickery from Barbara Streisand, but not from you Gaga. Not you.
7. Existential crisis in three... two... one...
"So what's new?"— A Small Fiction (@ASmallFiction) September 21, 2018
"I recently built a robot."
"For the company, mostly."
"How'd it turn out?"
"Good. You're doing quite well."
It's Blade Runner meets Office Space, starring Kevin James!
8. Technically correct
Not to start a controversy or anything but Planck's Constant is an absolute unit.— Phil Stamato (yikes!) (@pstamato) September 6, 2018
"No way, bro. Planck's Constant is like, way small tho. Does it even lift?"
9. Why does Venus get all the coolest weather?
*flying around a ball of nuclear fire on a rock traveling at 67,000 miles per hour.*— Goats? (@Gooooats) October 26, 2016
Me: I'm bored
There's not even anything on the magic instant picture box!
10. Science isn't always rewarding...
Scientist: knowing that flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp, we fed one nothing but Gatorade for 6 months— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) September 10, 2018
Reporter: so what happened?
Scientist: it's dead.
It did, however, run a four-minute-mile just before its heart exploded.
11. Not all algorithms are created equal.
If algorithms were waiters:— David "Halloween Name" Pittman (@dphrygian) September 28, 2018
Twitter: “Your friends like steak, try the steak. But first, dessert.”
Amazon: “I’ll get that burger started for you, and here’s 10 more burgers to consider.”
YouTube: “If you enjoyed the wedge salad, perhaps you would also like: a plate of wasps?”
Google+: "Guys? Guys? Seriously where is everybody, we have really good food, I swear!"
12. She's in too deep!
ME, THINKING I KNOW PHYSICS: I'll just look at a couple papers to clear up this little question so I can fill in this number and get back to writing...— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) September 22, 2018
ME, 2 HOURS LATER: oh my god I know nothing, my whole life is a lie
Relatively speaking, it probably cancels out anyway.
13. Ignorance is bliss.
Next, you'll be trying to tell me Australopithecus and Neanderthals interbred. Ha!
14. The untold depths of caffein addiction.
[drinks six cups of coffee]— dok mod (@doktormod) September 10, 2018
[still has MRSA]
Damn it, Coffee! You're supposed to fix everything! Now what am I supposed to believe in?
It just... It doesn't work that way. Why would it ever work that way?
15. Um, actually...
“Shooting stars aren’t stars, they’re meteors,” he says. “You can still make a wish though.”— madds (@whatmaddness) September 7, 2018
“I wish to see a real star shoot across the sky,” she replies.
“Dear god,” he squeaks as she smiles at their doom. Tears fall from his now-blind eyes. Skin melted to his ‘05 Prius.
Some men just want to watch all of the known worlds burn.
16. Entropy always gives me the munchies.
@leifromloihi it's going to get hungry when heat death hits & cooking at absolute zero is a bitch— prostiDUDE (@tyranosex) December 16, 2014
It's ice cream and cold pizza again I guess.
17. Based on a soon-to-be true story:
zookeeper: Gorillas are so intelligent that they can even learn sign language— Kellen (@captainkalvis) September 24, 2018
[i smirk and flip one off]
Gorilla: *signing* you and your kind have disgraced the planet and should pay for your transgressions
[i frown and then flip him off with both fingers]
These gorillas and their liberal agenda!
18. Who are we to judge?
Archeologist:[looking down at two male Australopithecus Afarensis skeletons in a passionate embrace]— Alex, but online (@Alex_but_online) September 15, 2018
Assistant: Early human remains?
Archeologist: Two men in a close embrace, no Homo
Something, something, Homo Erectus.
19. Intelligent design seems kind of cruel...
GOD: you get four stomachs— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 21, 2018
COW: nice, how many are for treats?
GOD: you only eat grass
COW: *sees dog eating grass* is that a cow?
GOD: no that’s a dog trying to make himself vomit because he ate too many treats
COW: kill me
GOD: not until we fatten you up
To satisfy the "science" qualification of this tweet, I must now inform you that animals with these types of digestive systems are called "ruminants." Boom. Science.
20. Gluteus Supremus.
has science gone too far? pic.twitter.com/09oZT01E5C— batkaren (@batkaren) September 10, 2018
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "Is this your dog?" "Yes, she is. Her name is milkshake, and she's a very good girl."
21. The horrible truth!
*NASA Headquarters*— matt (@shadygrenade) July 5, 2014
Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity?
Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.
Sometimes, if you want to build a Martian rover, you gotta kill a few cats. Whatchu gonna do?
22. Don't forget the surface ribosomes!
I spent the most time drawing an endoplasmic reticulum because the guidelines said use of original diagrams I hate cell biology thanks pic.twitter.com/NIywTNNuMp— audrey 🦅 (@axelavir) October 2, 2018
At least it's more fun than drawing punnet squares.
23. Dual purpose!
Spiders have it all figured out. They make hammocks using their butts and the hammocks bring food to them. Genius.— Ryan Bateman (@rynbtmn) August 3, 2018
My one true dream in life is that one day they'll make a Spider-man reboot with anatomically correct spider mutations...
24. One thing we all know for sure.
Business school did not teach me how to— Yous (@YousXP) September 30, 2018
- Pay my Taxes
But damn do I sure as hell know...
THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL 😌
Now if only my knowledge of respiration could be monetized...
25. The makers of our own obsolescence
'Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.' - Neil deGrasse Tyson— World and Science (@WorldAndScience) October 4, 2018
When robots start dabbing, that's when we're really in trouble.
26. He has a point.
One day on advanced eng. Math quiz pic.twitter.com/052TNZ0k1S— Potato is still strange (@mk_ackerman) October 4, 2018
This looks like one of those problems we all say we'll "come back to at the end".
27. Scary accurate
me at work: wow i cant wait 2 go home n take a shower and make some food and wash my clothes n learn advanced biology and apply for NASA and make a breakthrough in modern physics— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) October 3, 2018
me: *gets home and falls asleep at the front door*
I mean, I can always apply to NASA tomorrow...
28. Oh, okay-- Wait a second!
I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.— Science Jokes (@ScienceAndJokes) April 1, 2017
"Wanna hear a joke about yttrium?" "Sure." "Y?"
29. Anatomy is for heathens!
🚨Science Joke Alert🚨 pic.twitter.com/hIUZ61SAJ7— Red Dwarf Science ☄️ (@RedDwarfScience) September 28, 2018
30. Scientific priorities
Everyone loves that Einstein guy because he found some theory of relativity bullshit but imagine how popular he would be if he found the exact ratio of chip to dip— TheGuyWhoLikesThings (@guylikesthings) October 4, 2018
The perfect ratio of guacamole to Tostito is also known as "Avocado's Number."
31. My investment strategy:
Shrodinger’s Portfolio— Liam Lynch (@Liam_Lynch_) October 4, 2018
To simulate the vial of cyanide we'll need to create another housing bubble.
32. The easiest way to stop the invasion
What I would send in a rocket? Another, smaller rocket with an even tinier rocket inside of it, and then... a glitter bomb so powerful that the aliens will be finding it in their crevices for decades to come.— 🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 (@professorkiosk) February 11, 2018
Give em the old Russian nesting rockets!
33. Sage advice.
beware diet advice that recommends "eating light," for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) May 19, 2016
I hear eating light requires you to be pretty massive in the first place.
34. In an infinite universe...
"You're so vain, you probably think there are billions and billions of songs about you."— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 5, 2015
- Carly Sagan
Carl's sister had a very short-lived music career, at least in this reality.
35. Classic Elon with his sort-of-crimes.
Apparently, some customs agencies are saying they won’t allow shipment of anything called a “Flamethrower”. To solve this, we are renaming it “Not a Flamethrower”.— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 2, 2018
Look at it this way: a disgraced billionaire CEO turned super-villain is EXACTLY what 2019 needs to keep pace with the chaotic timeline we've been trapped in. So that should be fun!