Warning! Not safe for work. This just in; something weird has happened on a beach in California's Bay Area. After waking up from dark and stormy weather, locals saw hundreds of penises, more precisely, penis-shaped fish.
Resident David Ford, who likes to take a walk on Drakes Beach, said to Vice, "I didn’t expect to see such bizarre creatures on the ground. I had no idea what they might be...it went on for two miles. I walked for another half hour and they were scattered everywhere. There were seagulls lined up the beach the whole way having eaten so much they could barely stand. A quarter of them looked like they were still alive. The rest were dead; they had a dead sea-creature smell."
David Ford wanted to solve the mystery of the penis and took pictures of these penis-shaped creatures, and after searching on the internet, he found out that these were a species of worm, called fat innkeeper worms, or "penis fish."
Then Ford contacted a biologist at Bay Nature, Ivan Parr, who clearly explained the nature of these dick-like creatures, what they are and why they look like a dick: "Yes, the physical design of the fat innkeeper worm has some explaining to do. But the fat innkeeper is perfectly shaped for a life spent underground. Within a beach or mudflat, it digs a U-shaped burrow extending a few feet in length but no wider than the worm itself. The burrow’s front entrance pokes up like a little sand chimney. These can be seen clustered around the low tide line of a mudflat or sandy beach. The backdoor is marked by a pile of worm castings, which get projected out the end of the tunnel with a blast of water from the worm’s hindquarters."
Well, the reason why the fat innkeeper worms ended up on this beach is unknown according to Parr, but he suggested that the recent storm and penchant of fish for sandy habitats may have something to do with this situation.
It's argumentative if it's the best view to wake up to or not, but it's really weird to see a bunch of dicks on a beach out of speedos, that's for sure.