35 of The Funniest Science Tweets Ever

Well, wonder no more because after an exhaustive search of the entire twitter-verse, we can definitively say that these are - in no particular order - the funniest tweets about science, EVER. So lab coats and goggles on kids, let's get to it!

 1. Astronauts and their egos...

"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-"
"Neil! Stop."
"I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"

— Adam of Earth (@AdamOfEarth) September 28, 2013

I mean, he does have a point, Janet.

2. We're all star dust!

Never trust an atom. They make up everything. #science #jokes

— Tom Bielawski (@TomBielawski) October 4, 2018

They're shifty too! Like, come on just pick one electron: particle or wave?!?

3. Oh no, Stephen! You and your paradoxes.

It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 14, 2018

Seriously though, this is a gangser move, and I totally believe Dr. Hawking would do it. We miss you beloved all-around genius!

4. No science list can exist without NDT!

In life, pure coincidences are statistically common, so a remarkable day is one where no coincidences occur at all.

— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) September 28, 2018

Oh, Neil! Is it possible to roll your eyes and have your mind get blown at the same time?

5. Facing your fears:

Clever woman. She realised you can't fall without gravity.

— Lee Stuart (@337soft) October 1, 2018

Technically she would always be falling, but the joke is still good.

6. Misleading title

Dear @ladygaga,

That is not how stars are born.

— SarcasticRover (@SarcasticRover) September 30, 2018

I expected this kind of trickery from Barbara Streisand, but not from you Gaga. Not you.

7. Existential crisis in three... two... one...

"So what's new?"

"I recently built a robot."

"Why?"

"For the company, mostly."

"How'd it turn out?"

"Good. You're doing quite well."

— A Small Fiction (@ASmallFiction) September 21, 2018

It's Blade Runner meets Office Space, starring Kevin James!

8. Technically correct

Not to start a controversy or anything but Planck's Constant is an absolute unit.

— Phil Stamato (yikes!) (@pstamato) September 6, 2018

"No way, bro. Planck's Constant is like, way small tho. Does it even lift?"

9. Why does Venus get all the coolest weather?

*flying around a ball of nuclear fire on a rock traveling at 67,000 miles per hour.*

Me: I'm bored

— Goats? (@Gooooats) October 26, 2016

There's not even anything on the magic instant picture box!

10. Science isn't always rewarding...

Scientist: knowing that flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp, we fed one nothing but Gatorade for 6 months

Reporter: so what happened?

Scientist: it's dead.

— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) September 10, 2018

It did, however, run a four-minute-mile just before its heart exploded.

11. Not all algorithms are created equal.

If algorithms were waiters:

Twitter: “Your friends like steak, try the steak. But first, dessert.”

Amazon: “I’ll get that burger started for you, and here’s 10 more burgers to consider.”

YouTube: “If you enjoyed the wedge salad, perhaps you would also like: a plate of wasps?”

— David "Halloween Name" Pittman (@dphrygian) September 28, 2018

Google+: "Guys? Guys? Seriously where is everybody, we have really good food, I swear!"

12. She's in too deep!

ME, THINKING I KNOW PHYSICS: I'll just look at a couple papers to clear up this little question so I can fill in this number and get back to writing...
ME, 2 HOURS LATER: oh my god I know nothing, my whole life is a lie

— Katie Mack (@AstroKatie) September 22, 2018

Relatively speaking, it probably cancels out anyway.

13. Ignorance is bliss.

pic.twitter.com/dCXfEO485B

— Dr. Rodney Slusher (@drrodneyslusher) October 3, 2018

Next, you'll be trying to tell me Australopithecus and Neanderthals interbred. Ha!

14. The untold depths of caffein addiction.

[drinks six cups of coffee]

[still has MRSA]

Damn it, Coffee! You're supposed to fix everything! Now what am I supposed to believe in?

— dok mod (@doktormod) September 10, 2018

It just... It doesn't work that way. Why would it ever work that way?

15. Um, actually...

“Shooting stars aren’t stars, they’re meteors,” he says. “You can still make a wish though.”

“I wish to see a real star shoot across the sky,” she replies.

“Dear god,” he squeaks as she smiles at their doom. Tears fall from his now-blind eyes. Skin melted to his ‘05 Prius.

— madds (@whatmaddness) September 7, 2018

Some men just want to watch all of the known worlds burn.

16. Entropy always gives me the munchies.

@leifromloihi it's going to get hungry when heat death hits & cooking at absolute zero is a bitch

— prostiDUDE (@tyranosex) December 16, 2014

It's ice cream and cold pizza again I guess.

17. Based on a soon-to-be true story:

zookeeper: Gorillas are so intelligent that they can even learn sign language

[i smirk and flip one off]

Gorilla: *signing* you and your kind have disgraced the planet and should pay for your transgressions

[i frown and then flip him off with both fingers]

— Kellen (@captainkalvis) September 24, 2018

These gorillas and their liberal agenda!

18. Who are we to judge?

Archeologist:[looking down at two male Australopithecus Afarensis skeletons in a passionate embrace]

Assistant: Early human remains?

Archeologist: Two men in a close embrace, no Homo

— Alex, but online (@Alex_but_online) September 15, 2018

Something, something, Homo Erectus.

19. Intelligent design seems kind of cruel...

GOD: you get four stomachs

COW: nice, how many are for treats?

GOD: you only eat grass

COW: *sees dog eating grass* is that a cow?

GOD: no that’s a dog trying to make himself vomit because he ate too many treats

COW: kill me

GOD: not until we fatten you up

— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 21, 2018

To satisfy the "science" qualification of this tweet, I must now inform you that animals with these types of digestive systems are called "ruminants." Boom. Science.

20. Gluteus Supremus.

has science gone too far? pic.twitter.com/09oZT01E5C

— batkaren (@batkaren) September 10, 2018

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "Is this your dog?" "Yes, she is. Her name is milkshake, and she's a very good girl."

21. The horrible truth!

*NASA Headquarters*
Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity?
Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.

— matt (@shadygrenade) July 5, 2014

Sometimes, if you want to build a Martian rover, you gotta kill a few cats. Whatchu gonna do?

22. Don't forget the surface ribosomes!

I spent the most time drawing an endoplasmic reticulum because the guidelines said use of original diagrams I hate cell biology thanks pic.twitter.com/NIywTNNuMp

— audrey ? (@axelavir) October 2, 2018

At least it's more fun than drawing punnet squares.

23. Dual purpose!

Spiders have it all figured out. They make hammocks using their butts and the hammocks bring food to them. Genius.

— Ryan Bateman (@rynbtmn) August 3, 2018

My one true dream in life is that one day they'll make a Spider-man reboot with anatomically correct spider mutations...

24. One thing we all know for sure.

Business school did not teach me how to

- Budget
- Pay my Taxes
- Invest

But damn do I sure as hell know...

THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL ?

— Yous (@YousXP) September 30, 2018

Now if only my knowledge of respiration could be monetized...

25. The makers of our own obsolescence

'Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.' - Neil deGrasse Tyson

— World and Science (@WorldAndScience) October 4, 2018

When robots start dabbing, that's when we're really in trouble.

26. He has a point.

One day on advanced eng. Math quiz pic.twitter.com/052TNZ0k1S

— Potato is still strange (@mk_ackerman) October 4, 2018

This looks like one of those problems we all say we'll "come back to at the end". 

27. Scary accurate

me at work: wow i cant wait 2 go home n take a shower and make some food and wash my clothes n learn advanced biology and apply for NASA and make a breakthrough in modern physics

me: *gets home and falls asleep at the front door*

— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) October 3, 2018

I mean, I can always apply to NASA tomorrow...

28. Oh, okay-- Wait a second!

I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

— Science Jokes (@ScienceAndJokes) April 1, 2017

"Wanna hear a joke about yttrium?" "Sure."  "Y?"

29. Anatomy is for heathens!

?Science Joke Alert? pic.twitter.com/hIUZ61SAJ7

— Red Dwarf Science ☄️ (@RedDwarfScience) September 28, 2018

Explanations NSFW.

30. Scientific priorities

Everyone loves that Einstein guy because he found some theory of relativity bullshit but imagine how popular he would be if he found the exact ratio of chip to dip

— TheGuyWhoLikesThings (@guylikesthings) October 4, 2018

The perfect ratio of guacamole to Tostito is also known as "Avocado's Number."

31. My investment strategy:

Shrodinger’s Portfolio

— Liam Lynch (@Liam_Lynch_) October 4, 2018

To simulate the vial of cyanide we'll need to create another housing bubble.

32. The easiest way to stop the invasion

What I would send in a rocket? Another, smaller rocket with an even tinier rocket inside of it, and then... a glitter bomb so powerful that the aliens will be finding it in their crevices for decades to come.

— ?️rofessor Kiosk ? (@professorkiosk) February 11, 2018

Give em the old Russian nesting rockets!

33. Sage advice.

beware diet advice that recommends "eating light," for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole

— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) May 19, 2016

I hear eating light requires you to be pretty massive in the first place.

34. In an infinite universe...

"You're so vain, you probably think there are billions and billions of songs about you."

- Carly Sagan

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 5, 2015

Carl's sister had a very short-lived music career, at least in this reality.

35. Classic Elon with his sort-of-crimes.

Apparently, some customs agencies are saying they won’t allow shipment of anything called a “Flamethrower”. To solve this, we are renaming it “Not a Flamethrower”.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) February 2, 2018

Look at it this way: a disgraced billionaire CEO turned super-villain is EXACTLY what 2019 needs to keep pace with the chaotic timeline we've been trapped in. So that should be fun!